Homecoming
by Elissa707
Summary: Clint sneaks away the night of Steve's proposal, why? FREUDIAN SLIPS universe, set the night of the epilogue. I'd recommend reading it first or you'll be pretty lost.


**I don't own Avengers or the songs.**

* * *

I watched Steve sleep, gently stroking his face. _I'm getting married to him._ I stared at him before I climbed out of bed stealthily; he frowned and reached for me so I slid my pillow into his grasp. He clutched it and nuzzled where my head would have been and relaxed, probably recognizing my smell. I smiled at him before slipping out the door, running down the hall to my old room and locking the door. I sat down and stared at nothing. _I'm marrying him. We'll be together… forever… will we?_ I felt myself start to panic, so I did what I always did when I couldn't breathe. I grabbed my iPod and jumped into the shower, letting blazing hot water burn down my skin as I sang, not bothering to be quiet, I had installed the soundproofing on the shower myself.

_I can't be  
Losing sleep over this  
No I can't  
And now I cannot stop pacing  
Give me a few hours  
I'll have this all sorted out  
If my mind would just stop racing_

_Cause I cannot stand still_  
_I can't be this unsturdy_  
_This cannot be happening_

_This is over my head_  
_But underneath my feet_  
_Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat_  
_And everything will be back to the way that it was_  
_I wish that it was just that easy_

I heard footsteps and my door opened, I didn't react. Only one man had my key.

_Cause I'm waiting for tonight_  
_Then waiting for tomorrow_  
_And I'm somewhere in between_  
_What is real_  
_Just a dream_  
_What is real_  
_Just a dream_  
_What is real_  
_Just a dream_

_Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in_  
_Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again_  
_I don't want to run away from this_  
_I know that I need this_

He opened the bathroom door and I felt him come in behind me, he touched my back and started stroking, staying quiet, letting me sing. I still did nothing.

_Cause I cannot stand still_  
_I can't be this unsturdy_  
_This cannot be happening_

_Cause I'm waiting for tonight_  
_Then waiting for tomorrow_  
_And I'm somewhere in between_  
_What is real_  
_Just a dream_  
_What is real_  
_Just a dream_  
_What is real_  
_Just a dream_  
_What is real just a dream_

I finished and my iPod fell silent but I still kept my face on the wall. He didn't force me to face him; he just drew circles on my back before rubbing my shoulders gently. Suddenly, he started to sing to me. I listened quietly, not looking at him still.

_You wait, wanting this world  
To let you in  
And you stand there  
A frozen light  
In dark and empty streets  
You smile hiding behind  
A God-given face  
But I know you're so much more  
Everything they ignore  
Is all that I need to see_

_You're the only one I ever believed in_  
_The answer that could never be found_  
_The moment you decided to let love in_  
_Now I'm banging on the door of an angel_  
_The end of fear is where we begin_  
_The moment we decided to let love in_

He massaged my back and I felt myself loosen up, I closed my eyes and listened.

_I wish_  
_Wishing for you to find your way_  
_And I'll hold on for all you need_  
_That's all we need to say_  
_I'll take my chances while_  
_You take your time with_  
_This game you play_  
_But I can't control your soul_  
_You need to let me know_  
_You leaving or you gonna stay_

_You're the only one I ever believed in_  
_The answer that could never be found_  
_The moment you decided to let love in_  
_Now I'm banging on the door of an angel_  
_The end of fear is where we begin_  
_The moment we decided to let love in_

_There's nothing we can do about_  
_The things we have to do without_  
_The only way to feel again_  
_Is let love in_

I turned around and looked at him, watching how alight his eyes were with love and gentleness as he continued to sing. _I still doubt this man… After a year, I still doubt that I'm here._ He touched my face, probably knowing exactly what I was thinking.

_There's nothing we can do about_  
_The things we have to live without_  
_The only way to see again_  
_Is let love in_

_You're the only one I ever believed in_  
_The answer that could never be found_  
_The moment you decided to let love in_  
_Now I'm banging on the door of an angel_  
_The end of fear is where we begin_  
_The moment we decided to let love in_

He brushed his fingers along my cheek and I leaned into his hand, shutting my eyes again and he pulled me close. His arms went around me as I melded into him, tucking my head under his chin and he nuzzled my damp hair, I smiled when he tried to sneakily sniff me. He, for some reason, loved the smell of my shampoo and would sulk, silently of course, if I tried to use something else. I felt him hold me tighter and I knew I had scared him when I left. I ghosted fingers up his spine.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into his skin. He started to dance us in the shower and I followed his lead.

"It's fine, I just wish you would come to me when you need me. Just wake me up." He replied and I heard the hurt hidden in his voice. I buried my face is his neck, searching for my favorite part, the part that always smelled as clean as rain. I didn't respond to him. We continued to dance to the music in our hearts, I kept my eyes shut and let myself feel safe. "Clint." He said and I knew he wouldn't let me hide anymore, I pulled my head away but kept my face low, not meeting his eyes. He touched my chin and lifted my face; I gathered my scattered courage and met his eyes. "I know you still have nightmares. But I'm _here_, you're _here_. We got out, we're together, and _I love you_." He said vitally and I swallowed, looking away, wanting to believe him but the paranoid little shard of my soul that was shaken loose by Loki wouldn't leave. Steve let me look away but still held my waist, still danced with me. I could feel the pain he tried to hide and I shut my eyes, resting my head on his chest.

"I'm sorry." I replied, not knowing what else to say. _There is nothing else to say. _I felt Steve shake his head and set it on mine, he pulled me a closer and we continued to sway. Thoughts ran through my racing mind, terrors and worries.

"I've got you, Clint. Relax." He said soothingly and I realizing I had been tensing up again, panicking about what would happen, berating myself for scaring him again. His fingers danced up my back again, pressing deeply in all the right places, gently forcing me to relax my muscles. I swallowed the tears down. _A year of him, a year of gentle kisses, loving touches, kind caretaking and I still can't believe that I'm out of the dreamland. I still can't believe that he's with me._ Steve touched my face and gently but insistently tugged it up to meet his gaze, still full of love with not a single flicker of doubt. I forced myself to not look away, to study and scrutinize those eyes; I needed to _know_ that he was there, that he was _real_. Steve looked at me, eyes burning into mine and finally I had stared my fill, I tapped his chin and he smiled, lowering himself so I could reach him more comfortably. I cupped his cheek and kissed him, softly. I then laid my head back on his shoulder, he straightened again.

"I love you, Steve." I whispered in his ear and he smiled, I knew he heard the unspoken message in that simple sentence. He held me tighter and I felt a cold tear touch my shoulder. _I think... I think I'm home. _

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Awwww hurt/comfort fluff. :D So, my muse came back (kinda) but I'm still working on their wedding. It will happen, eventually. But, this is set the night after the epilogue. If you haven't read Freudian Slips, you must be really confused.

The first song is "In Between" by Lifehouse. I altered it slightly, changing "I know I just don't need this" to "I know I need this".

The second is "Let Love In" by the Goo Goo Dolls.


End file.
